My Horrible Dates 2

I met this woman at work, and she worked in a different department. I'll call her Kleptomaniac Woman.

I went out with her once, but there just wasn't really any chemistry there. I think that one of the reasons why there was no chemistry was that I couldn't help but notice that as we started to finish our dinner, she stole the salt and pepper shakers and a small bowl and hid them in her purse.

I asked her, "Hmmm... I couldn't help but notice that you just pilfered the salt and pepper." She replied, "Yeah, so what's the big deal?" She went on to explain that she just enjoys stealing things, and that all of her silver wear, glasses, and kitchen gear at home are all stolen from restaurants. It's one thing for a woman to steal my heart, but um... yeah.

At this point, I realized something about myself. I had a picture in my mind of the kind of woman that I'd want to date. I pictured a woman who was attractive, smart, etc. I decided at this point that I would need to amend that picture in my head to also include the quality of not being a compulsive thief. But I digress... back to the date.

When we got to her home, she asked me to come inside. Hmmm. Tough call. I decided to myself that I would keep a close eye on my wallet and join her. Maybe I'm a bad person, but the main reason why I wanted to go back to her place was to see if she really did have all this stuff that she had stolen from restaurants. So, I tucked my wallet a little deeper in my pocket, took a deep breath, and walked into her apartment with her.

I asked if I could see her collection of items that she had "creatively acquired" from various eating establishments in the area. She got a big smile on her face and said, "Sure!" We walked into her kitchen and she began to show me.

Every piece of silverware in her drawer was stolen from restaurants.

Every glass in her cabinet was stolen from restaurants.

Every set of salt and pepper shakers she had was stolen from restaurants. She probably had about 20 sets.

All of her napkins were stolen from restaurants.

All of the various decorations and "nick knacks" in her kitchen were stolen from restaurants.

All of the coasters in her kitchen were stolen from restaurants.

All of the plates in her cabinet were stolen from restaurants.

I congratulated her on her ability to steal so much stuff without getting caught. She thanked me and said that it was a cheap way to get items for your home, and that it was so much fun also. On the outside, I was smiling and being friendly. On the inside, I was convinced that I was alone in the home of a cute but criminally insane woman.

So, we walked back to her living room, and she began to show me pictures of her recent trip to Italy that she took with her mother. I checked my wallet again. Good, it was still there. At this point, I decided that I had pressed my luck as much as I should. We called it a night. I didn't call her back.